The Wolf In The North
Just doesn't shut up
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2016
- Messages
- 5,088
- Reaction score
- 15,531
No, he's given up on us. We're never signing anybody else ever again.
Laurie Dalrymple sodded off to some rugby thing and no longer buys the fans pints.
Kevin Thelwell has spent most of lockdown perfecting his New York accent by shouting 'Hey Tony, **** you' to any passers by at the top of his voice.
Jonny's leg has fallen off. A deliberate act of self mutilation. I think he might have Munchausen's.
Doherty was forced out by Jeff and Jorge, Nuno didn't have a say but he's not really ***** anyway.
Nuno is refusing to sign his contract.
Willy Boly too.
Serge Aurier refused to join us because we're not big enough for him to showcase his talents.
Ainsley Maitland-Wotsit loves Arsenal and not us.
Ruben Neves and his missus are having another baby so he won't have time to play glorious pinpoint 60 yards passes. Plus we'll probably sell him to Sheffield United for £6.20.
Diogo Jota's and his partner are also sprog farming, he won't have the energy to run onto any of those passes, plus he only does 25% of the time or when he's lucky enough to shin one in. I expect we'll sell him to Arsenal for £4.25 and a half eaten bag of Minstrels.
Daniel Podence has proposed to his missus so he'll be too busy reigning in Bridezilla and worrying about seating plans or trying to book a DJ. We'll probably flog him to Everton for a pan of Scouse and some spare 1989 Ford Orion alloy wheels anyway.
Jimenez's missus has already dropped her sprog which coincided with him missing a penalty so his heads gone already along with any talent he did have. He's probably sulking about not going to Juve/Manchester United/Anybody else that may have pipped us to a European spot. Don't worry Raul I hear Burnley are after you but Chris Wood has turned us down again so I'm not sure it's going to happen for you lad.
Tim Spiers has ****ed off on holiday so there's nobody in the Twitterverse to break transfer news/deny all rumours no matter what the truth is.
Robert Plant has launched his new Scooch tribute band and will be playing live to nobody at half time because we're never getting back into the stadium Fosun are refusing to rebuild.
Jeff Shi is regretting trying to suggest we have a light blue away kit by trying to colour the white one proposed by Adidas in using Microsoft Paint. Nobody worry though because we've got Jako lined up to make next years.
The Chinese Government have told Fosun to stop ****ing about with English football teams because that floppy haired ignoramus who calls himself Prime Minister told Huawei to **** off as soon as the cheque from his brown envelope cleared.
All the important people have knobbed off to Zurich to nurture some Grasshoppers leaving Jeff to do it all on his lonesome but he's too busy playing Candy Crush to notice that he's the only one logged into Microsoft Teams.
I think that's it.
We're ****ing doomed. Doomed I tell ya.
This is like an episode of David Mitchell's Unbelievable Truth where a speaker has to hide as many truths as possible amidst nonsense and jokes. The Microsoft Paint kit one is definitely factual.