empty thread...time go kill this now?

[Ogerp]

I went for my annual check up yesterday. It was all going well until he stuck his finger up my ****.

Do you think that I should change dentists ?

Doctor. "Don't worry Mr. Jenkins, it's normal to get an erection during a Prostrate examination".
Patient. "I haven't got an erection".
Doctor. "I have".

 

[Thank you Sir Jack]

Flicking through the channels late one night I chanced on a video of someone, naked, having a shower. When I looked more closely I saw that it was Fatima Whitbread. She's not the best looker, but I kept saying to myself "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection".
But she did.

 

[topcat99]

Doctor. "Don't worry Mr. Jenkins, it's normal to get an erection during a Prostrate examination".
Patient. "I haven't got an erection".
Doctor. "I have".

The worst part of these examinations is when they are rooting around inside and you realise that he has both hands resting on your back.

 

[Frank Lincoln]

Paddy and Murphy were doing a crossword.

Paddy asks, "How do you spell paint"?

Murphy replies "What colour"?

 

[Scott in the Sand]

This thread could become a Mix legend.

 

[Ogerp]

I thought a loaf of bread was calling me names...

but on closer inspection it actually read "thick cut".

 

[Ogerp]

Just before i die, I am going to swallow a bag of Popcorn Kernels.

My cremation is going to be epic.

 

[Ogerp]

I was weaving dangerously in the middle of the road this morning.

I really should find a safer place to finish this wicker basket.

 

[Ogerp]

I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though the wife reckons it's weird.

I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat!

 

[VancouverWolf]

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative."
But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

 

[VancouverWolf]

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He 0K now.

 

[topcat99]

What do you call a woman playing pool with 2 pints of lager balanced on her head?


Beatrix Potter

 

[topcat99]

Two parrots sitting on a perch

One says to the other

“Can you smell fish?”

 

[Frank Lincoln]

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch in North Wales a group of American tourists stopped for lunch, one of the tourists asked the waitress, “ Hi Honey before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us, can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly, so we can understand the correct pronunciation”?

The girl leaned over and said, “Burrr Gurrr King”

 

[topcat99]

Or as the locals call it:

Llanfair PG

 

[topcat99]

Next Mixer to post on here .....I will put a hex on their sex life....lol
Now go away...lol
Jesus , I can’t brlieve this

I was just reading back. Guess who was the next person to post? Vancouver.

So matey.. did you have to stick pins into your ****? And has the missus left you for a geriatric dwarf?

 

[topcat99]

I think I’ve got it now..

Pugh, Pugh, Barney, McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub???

Saw a great comedy sketch once.

“Breaking News.... reports are coming in claiming that the Trumpton fire brigade has been infiltrated by Al Queada...”

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Bin Laden

 

[topcat99]

She was only a landlords daughter, but she knew how to hold her licker.

She was only a welders daughter

But she had Acetylene tits

 

[VancouverWolf]

I was just reading back. Guess who was the next person to post? Vancouver.

So matey.. did you have to stick pins into your ****? And has the missus left you for a geriatric dwarf?

Well that was a stupid oversight on my part.....paying for it now, by....oh, never mind...lol

 

[Boss Hogg]

Took a packet of sultanas back to Tescos the other day and swapped them for 2 packets of raisins.

I couldn’t believe the currant exchange rate!

 

[Pagey]

Applied for a job in our local police station today.


There was a poster up saying "man wanted for bank raid"

 

[Boss Hogg]

2 months ago My doctor recommended I take up campanology to improve my memory.

I don’t think it’s working though. I went back to see him last week and he asked me if I had met George. Told him I wasn’t sure as the name doesn’t ring a bell.

 

[VancouverWolf]

@Mutchy and @bod101
I would prefer if this thread was closed after all there is a humour thread started by @Scott in the Sand about 4 months ago.
Or at least take my name of it, please.
Thank you.

 

[Highlandwolf2]

She was only a cosmeticians daughter but Max Factor...