World Cup 2010 paper view: Ruud Gullit offers his personal services | Simon Burnton

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<div class="track"><img alt="" src="http://hits.guardian.co.uk/b/ss/guardiangu-feeds/1/H.20.7/10124?ns=guardian&pageName=World+Cup+2010+paper+view%3A+Ruud+Gullit+offers+his+personal+services+%7C+Si%3AArticle%3A1424681&ch=Football&c3=GU.co.uk&c4=World+Cup+2010+%28Football%29%2CFootball%2CSport&c5=Football+World+Cup&c6=Simon+Burnton&c7=10-Jul-10&c8=1424681&c9=Article&c10=Feature&c11=Football&c13=&c25=&c30=content&h2=GU%2FFootball%2FWorld+Cup+2010" width="1" height="1" /></div><p class="standfirst">Desperation time for the former Dutch star, Mark van Bommel's secrets and footballer-vicar news</p><p>Apparently there's a game on in Johannesburg tomorrow, and a quick flick through the tabloids leaves you in no doubt as to who's playing: Arsenal and Liverpool. That's why Fernando Torres gets on most of the back pages, and Cesc Fábregas on the remainder. The name might change but the story remains the same: it must have been a tough call at editorial confererences everywhere as the decision had to be made between a "Torres: please let me play" headline and the rival charms of "Fábregas: please let me play". <strong>Either way, the answer's probably no</strong>.</p><p></p><p><strong>Ruud Gullit</strong> has written in the Daily Mail about Holland's run to the final. "It's so hard to play sexy football all the time," he says, with dazzling inevitability. "This is our chance. We were hoping to reach the semi-finals but our hopes have been raised and we want better – now we want to win." The most interesting thing about the article, however, is the small paragraph printed in italics at its end: <em>"Ruud Gullit, who wants to get back into management and would love to return to the Premier League, is a match expert on Sky Sports … "</em></p><p></p><p>Is that supposed to make him seem more important and impressive, or like a desperate and pathetic managerial <strong>wannabe</strong>? Because it pretty much nails the latter. Does he imagine that a Premier League chairman will be reading the papers over breakfast and suddenly exclaim: "Darling, call Sir Alex and tell him he's fired – Ruud Gullit wants a job!"</p><p></p><p>Anyway, here's your <strong>20-second celebrity columnist round-up</strong>: "It is Spain for me," says Alan Shearer. "When Spain are at the top of their game it is very difficult to stop them, but the Dutch will have a chance of glory," says fence-sitter Terry Venables. "I am surprised Holland have made it this far," says Alan Hansen. "The styles of the two teams play into the hands of Spain," says Ossie Ardiles. "Spain should have too much in the locker for Holland," says Mark Lawrenson. Spain it is, then.</p><p></p><p>It's just as well that Germany didn't win their semi-final: their manager's got the <strong>flu</strong>, their top scrorer is injured and half the rest of the team have got the sniffles as well. Expect them to pick a few reserves and look a bit leggy against Uruguay tonight.</p><p></p><p><strong>Mark van Bommel</strong> has revealed how he gets away with fouling loads of people without being booked. "I always try to talk to a referee," he says. "Once I asked a ref where he bought his groceries and I told him where he could get them cheaper. He let me off another foul and then five games later asked me about another shop. You just need to chat with these guys."</p><p></p><p>An excellent idea, but exactly how much does 33-year-old Munich-based multi-millionaire Mark van Bommel really know about <strong>cheap groceries</strong>? I mean, really. It's hard to picture him shopping at Iceland, or whatever the German equivalent is (Eisland?). So what's his secret? Does he scarper without paying, pausing only to nobble the security staff with a nasty studs-up challenge? Of course the cheapest way to get yourself fed is to stand somewhere near Gazza's house looking a bit threatening and simply wait for him <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/jul/09/paul-gascoigne-raoul-moat" title="">to turn up with a takeaway</a>, but that's another story.</p><p></p><p>I digress. Shall we have some <strong>transfer gossip</strong>? Yes, we shall! Ricardo Carvalho flew to Milan last night, though no one was sure if he was there to sign for Milan, for Internazionale, or for a nice weekend on Lake Como. Whatever, Chelsea seem pretty sure he's not coming back and will replace him with Porto's Bruno Alves.</p><p></p><p><strong>Sunderland</strong> want £7m Michael Carrick, and will make him captain if the move goes through. They're also bidding £6.5m for Schalke's Heiko Westermann, who they've been linked with for a while. Carrick's current club, Manchester United, of course want Wesley Sneijder – but now so do Chelsea. If Sneijder stays in Milan he might find himself playing alongside Javier Mascherano, who is prepared to slap in a transfer request if it'll earn him a reunion with Rafael Benítez. In other vaguely Liverpool-related news, Aston Villa are close to signing Fabio Aurelio, and want Robbie Keane as well. And in news that has nothing to do with Liverpool but has to go somewhere, Portsmouth have sold Nadir Belhadj to Qatari side El Sadd.</p><p></p><p>And former Wolves striker <strong>Richard Leadbeater</strong> (one substitute appearance) has been ordained as a vicar.</p><p></p><p><i>Simon Burnton, who wants to be given a Ferrari and would love a free family holiday in the Caribbean, occasionally writes stuff for the Guardian</i></p><div class="related" style="float: left; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><ul><li><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/worldcup2010">World Cup 2010</a></li></ul></div><div class="author"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/simonburnton">Simon Burnton</a></div><br/><div class="terms"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk">guardian.co.uk</a> &copy; Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our <a href="http://users.guardian.co.uk/help/article/0,,933909,00.html">Terms & Conditions</a> | <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/help/feeds">More Feeds</a></div><p style="clear:both" />
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