<div class="track"><img alt="" src="http://hits.guardian.co.uk/b/ss/guardiangu-feeds/1/H.20.7/84942?ns=guardian&pageName=World+Cup+2010+paper+view%3A+Plot+thickens+as+grown+man+fathers+child%3AArticle%3A1422362&ch=Football&c3=GU.co.uk&c4=World+Cup+2010+%28Football%29%2CFootball%2CSport&c5=Football+World+Cup&c6=Barry+Glendenning&c7=10-Jul-06&c8=1422362&c9=Article&c10=Feature&c11=Football&c13=&c25=&c30=content&h2=GU%2FFootball%2FWorld+Cup+2010" width="1" height="1" /></div><p class="standfirst">Cristiano Ronaldo's babymammy, the American escapades of text messaging's Ashley Cole and some news pertaining to footballers still playing at the World Cup</p><p>Many of today's tabloids remain fixated with the fascinating revelation that <strong>a grown man who plays football for Real Madrid has fathered a son</strong>, but refuses to divulge the identity of the child's mother. The Sun claims "two women have emerged as possible mums in the riddle of who had Cristiano Ronaldo's baby", before going on to reveal that one of them is "a Danish Paris Hilton lookalike" and the other "an American surrogate mum he'd met in San Diego", putting paid to whispers Paper View had heard that the shortlist of likely candidates was comprised of an arable farmer's daughter from Termon$$$$in, a female Chinese Elvis impersonator from Guangdong and the ghost of the blonde girl who starred in the Poltergeist movies.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile in proper football news, brazen England full-back <strong>Ashley Cole</strong> is STILL ON HOLIDAYS in the USA, going out, possibly drinking and having fun, then inviting ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMEN back to his hotel, presumably with the sleazy intention of getting them to polish HIS BIG BRASS NECK. Coincidentally, his behaviour - gadding about in America while being phtographed in the company of lots of attractive women - is almost identical to that of the aforementioned Cristiano Ronaldo this time last year ... not that there's anything wrong with that.</p><p></p><p>Paper View knows all about being at parties we haven't been invited to, which is while we feel a certain kinship with the <strong>Uruguay football team</strong>, whose manager <strong>Óscar Tabárez</strong> has likened their presence in the World Cup semi-finals to exactly such a scenario, the only difference being that he reckons his team has "earned the right to stay at the party". Skulking in the kitchen while drinking cans of beer other people had brought along and stored in the fridge, Tabárez was unimpressed at being asked if he thought his striker Luis Suarez should have shown a little more humility in the wake of the handball that has crushed an entire continent's soul, ripped a hole in the space-time continuum and caused tens of thousands of sanctimonious football fans to foam at the mouth before exploding with pomposity.</p><p></p><p>"I'm embarrassed by what has been asked," he told the world's press. "That is shameful. This was a football action foreseen in the laws of the game. It happened in the Australia game at this tournament and also in 1990, Uruguay v Spain, when a footballer was on the goal-line and blocked the ball with both hands. It was an instinctive act. Suarez couldn't foresee what happened afterwards, that Ghana would miss the penalty. Don't talk to me about a lack of modesty. The Uruguayan people bring out our personal strength when we have to. We are very proud, and we're upset with this topic. We're proud of our performances and what we've contributed to the development of football at this World Cup."</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile in the world of rumour-mongering, the Daily Telegraph reveals that <strong>Roman Abramovich has flown to South Africa to perform a metaphorical lap dance in front of Fernando Torres</strong>, in the hope of persuading the out-of-sorts Spain and Liverpool striker to ink a £50m deal to play for Chelsea, but may have to out-gyrate his Manchester City counterpart Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan in an image that becomes increasingly disturbing every time one of Paper View's trembling digits hits another letter on its keyboard.</p><p></p><p>If <strong>Cesc Fà bregas</strong> keeps hearing loud "Pssst!" noises while being followed around the Spain training ground by a moving bush, it could be something to do with Daily Star claims that Barcelona manager Pep Guardiola has made "a secret visit", to Spain's World Cup base to "try and land" the Arsenal midfielder. Alternatively, it could be something to do with the fact that one of the amenities offered by the Pochtefsroom HQ chosen by the Spanish FA is moving bushes that make loud "Pssst!" noises.</p><p></p><p>Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp has taken a pen and a 12-inch long, straight wooden stick, placed it along the edge of a sheet of paper and "ruled out" making a bid to bring <strong>Diego Forlan to White Hart Lane</strong>, which is probably just as well seeing as the Uruguay striker has just as quick to announce that he has no intention of returning to England.</p><p></p><p><strong>Manchester United want Wesley Sneijder</strong> and will pay £25m to bring him to Old Trafford, <strong>Chelsea are after Stuttgart's £12m-rated German World Cup starlet Sam Khedira</strong> and<strong> Bayern Munich have warned off Chelsea, Manchester City and anyone else</strong> who might be giving their big-name talent - Bastian Schweinsteiger, Phillipp Lahm and Thomas Mueller - the glad eye, possibly showing their serious about keeping the aforementioned players at the Allianz Arena with the aid of a snarling, foaming-about-the-chops Doberman violently pulling at a short lead.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile in the cheap seats, <strong>Blackburn Rovers manager Big Sam</strong> likes the cut of Rapid Vienna's Croatian striker <strong>Nikica Jelavic</strong>'s jib, according to the Daily Mirror, but might have to bide his time until his Ewood Park outfit finds new buyers. Newly promoted <strong>Newcastle United would like to take Manchester United whelp Tom Cleverly</strong> on loan, while both <strong>Wigan Athletic and West Ham are kicking the tyres on Jermaine Pennant</strong>, after Wolves turned down the opportunity to take the serial under-achiever from Real Zaragoza, who are understandably eager to get the £50,000-per-week flop off their wage bill and on to that of some other suckers.</p><p></p><p></p><div class="related" style="float: left; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><ul><li><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/worldcup2010">World Cup 2010</a></li></ul></div><div class="author"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/barryglendenning">Barry Glendenning</a></div><br/><div class="terms"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk">guardian.co.uk</a> © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our <a href="http://users.guardian.co.uk/help/article/0,,933909,00.html">Terms & Conditions</a> | <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/help/feeds">More Feeds</a></div><p style="clear:both" />
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