<div class="track"><img alt="" src="http://hits.guardian.co.uk/b/ss/guardiangu-feeds/1/H.22.4/44166?ns=guardian&pageName=The+Fiver+%7C+What+a+glorious+nation%21+%7C+Scott+Murray%3AArticle%3A1708248&ch=Football&c3=GU.co.uk&c4=Stuart+Pearce%2CEngland+football+team%2CSport%2CFootball&c5=Not+commercially+useful&c6=Scott+Murray&c7=12-Feb-23&c8=1708248&c9=Article&c10=&c11=Football&c13=The+Fiver+%28series%29&c25=&c30=content&h2=GU%2FFootball%2FStuart+Pearce" width="1" height="1" /></div><p class="standfirst"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/signup/2010/mar/30/1" title="">Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving</a></p><h2>ENGLISH STU ESCHEWS</h2><p></p><p>As the sun rose on this beautiful spring morning, our English cousin, Sexually Repressed Morris Dancing Fiver, leapt out of bed and excitedly got dressed, eager to face the day. Crisp white shirt: check! Pinstripe suit: check! Bowler hat: check! Crotchless silk panties and suspender belt (because he's planning to visit Madame Boom Boom on the way home for a cuddle and a cry): check! But with Stuart Pearce planning to name his first England squad later in the day, even that outfit didn't seem quite quintessentially English enough. And so, to go the whole patriotic hog ahead of such an epochal national event, our cousin put on a garment he only dusts down for extra-special occasions: his Jimmy Hill St George's Cross Revolving Bow Tie. "England!" he brayed as he stepped out of the house, the tips of the bow tie gently slapping against his saggy purple jowls like oars on a lake. "What a glorious nation!"</p><p></p><p>Sadly for Sexually Repressed Morris Dancing Fiver, he had only taken a few strides down the road when he was hit by a half-brick which had come from the vague direction of Shortbread McFiver's gaff. The half-brick knocked the switch of the bow tie from the quiet but proud hum of Reserved Circumvolve to the altogether more hectic Jingoistic Whirr, causing major chafing of the throat, and forcing poor Sexually Repressed Morris Dancing Fiver to go back home and spend the day recovering in bed. No boom boom for him today! And no Stuart Pearce either, but luckily several other rabid nutcases were still able to make it to Pearcey's presser, and so the squad for the upcoming game against the Netherlands would be reported as planned.</p><p></p><p>The general reaction to Pearce's squad has been very favourable. This seems to be because Pearce is English, but more pertinently is Not Italian and doesn't speak-a-da funny like a-da foreigns, innit. For example, Pearce has left out superannuated big baby 'Furious' Frank Lampard. Now, when Andre Villas-Boas does this at Chelsea, the young Portuguese manager is chased around west London by mouth-foaming hacks wielding pointed sticks. But when English Stu does this for England, it's a commendable piece of progressive thinking with the future very much in mind.</p><p></p><p>"I know Frank, I know John Terry, I don't think I'd learn anything from seeing them play," explained English Stu, "but I might learn something from watching one or two of the other individuals. Are they going to be good enough to serve England in the summer?" In fairness to Pearce, who has also eschewed Rio Ferdinand, you can't fault his argument, especially if it's extrapolated to its logical conclusion. Which is: after years of watching them, we know exactly what Frank and John and Rio will do with England. Fail. So we might as well sack them off for good and get the kids in. To this end, Pearce's squad has an average age of six and three quarters, the surprise pick being Sunderland flavour of the month Fraizer Campbell.</p><p></p><p>Clever English Stu! That is, if he really does forget England's Golden Shower generation for good. So with this in mind, does he want the job on a permanent footing? "I'm managing on a one-off basis," he began to blather, "so for me to look at the long-term situation is difficult. But one thing's for sure, I'm more than happy to take the team next week, and I'm more than happy to take the team to the finals or beyond that. If it's another man, I'll offer my services, and if he doesn't need me, I'll support him from afar." Coo! Isn't he patriotic? With the press pack collectively swooning into Pearce's big strong Anglo-Saxon arms, 'Arry Redknapp suddenly needs to up his game if he's to maintain his status as favourite for the vacant job. With a fickle press changing tack every day, a victory for Spurs in this weekend's north London derby should be enough. Failing that, we know someone who'd be quite happy to lend him a novelty neckpiece.</p><p></p><h2>THE SQUAD IN FULL, BECAUSE TO BE HONEST THE ABOVE DOESN'T REALLY TELL YOU ALL THAT MUCH</h2><p></p><p><strong>Goalkeepers:</strong> Scott Carson (Bursaspor), Joe Hart (Manchester City), Robert Green (West Ham United).</p><p></p><p><strong>Defenders:</strong> Gary Cahill (Chelsea), Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Leighton Baines (Everton), Glen Johnson (Liverpool), Phil Jones (Manchester United), Micah Richards (Manchester City), Chris Smalling (Manchester United), Kyle Walker (Tottenham).</p><p></p><p><strong>Midfielders:</strong> Gareth Barry (Manchester City), Tom Cleverley (Manchester United), Stewart Downing (Liverpool), Adam Johnson (Manchester City), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), James Milner (Manchester City), Scott Parker (Tottenham), Ashley Young (Manchester United), Theo Walcott (Arsenal).</p><p></p><p><strong>Forwards:</strong> Darren Bent (Aston Villa), Fraizer Campbell (Sunderland), Daniel Sturridge (Chelsea), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United), Danny Welbeck (Manchester United).</p><p></p><h2>QUOTE OF THE DAY</h2><p></p><p>"You're not incredible" - The Manchester City chant directed at Hulk that Porto suits say they will complain to Uefa about. Presumably to help the Fiver kickstart its STOP BANTER campaign.</p><p></p><p></p><h2>FIVER LETTERS</h2><p></p><p>"Good to see that Proper Journalist David Conn is investigating the smoky links between Man Utd, the Glazers<a href="http://www.flitsnieuws.nl/nieuws/?content=detail&id=7093" title=""> and the Dutch fire brigade</a> (yesterday's Still Want Mores). It's that kind of proper journalism that gives him his name" - Samir Kadioglu (and 1,056 others).</p><p></p><p>"According to a headline yesterday, 'Roberto Mancini says Carlos Tevezzzzzzzzzzz may make City return in two weeks'. He's doing pretty well then, because City couldn't make Carlos Tevezzzzzzzzzzz return in two months" - Al Wood.</p><p></p><p>"Regarding Rooney's knack-related omission from Manchester United's Big Vase squad, may I suggest that a strong administering of the Heimlich Maneuver is in order. It's clear that the words 'I honestly like my new haircut' have just become uncomfortably stuck in his throat" - Dennis Patrickson.</p><p></p><p>Send your letters to <a href="mailto:the.boss@guardian.co.uk" title="">the.boss@guardian.co.uk</a>. And if you've nothing better to do you can also <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/thefiver" title="">tweet the Fiver</a>.</p><p></p><h2>BITS AND BOBS</h2><p></p><p>Walter Smith has turned down the vacant Wolves job. Next on the list of candidates: Mick McCarthy?</p><p></p><p>$$$$$ly teenager Andre Villas-Boas says he has the full support of Roman Abramovich, dreamily scrawling AVB 4 RA in his chemistry textbook.</p><p></p><p>And Rafa Benitez's Mr 15% says the former Liverpool manager has not been in talks with Chelsea over nicking Villas-Boas's job. "There is nothing official," he mumbled. "It's only media speculation and we have not been approached by Chelsea. We would only evaluate that possibility once there is an offer."</p><p></p><h2>STILL WANT MORE?</h2><p></p><p>What do Kasabian and Andre Villas-Boas have in common? Aside from a never ending and relentless struggle with facial hair, they both feature in this week's <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/series/footballweekly" title="">Football Weekly Extraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa</a>, that's what.</p><p></p><p>It's all change as far as England are concerned. A new (caretaker) manager, new players and <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/feb/22/new-england-home-jersey-unveile" title="">now a new kit</a>: next thing you know they'll start winning a few games.</p><p></p><p>Amy Lawrence learned 1.25 things from each of this week's Big Cup games. There were four fixtures, so that amounts to five things, which is convenient because that's <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2012/feb/23/champions-league-five-things" title="">exactly how many she was asked to learn for this column</a>.</p><p></p><p>The majority of fans who travel to away games are attempting to fill a void caused by loneliness in some capacity. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bK8cgiAwAzs&feature=youtu.be" title="">This week's Classic YouTube</a> features a Santa Cruz supporter who's even lonelier than most. And that's saying something. Warning: Also contains Xavi and Andres Iniesta bongo.</p><p></p><p>And follow Manchester United 2-1 Ajax (4-1 agg) with <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football" title="">Paul Doyle's minute-by-minute report from 8pm</a>.</p><p></p><h2>SIGN UP TO THE FIVER</h2><p></p><p>Want your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/signup/2010/mar/30/1" title="">Click here to sign up</a>.</p><p></p><h2>EVERY DAY'S LIKE A BANK HOLIDAY. IN A BAD WAY</h2><div class="related" style="float: left; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><ul><li><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/stuart-pearce">Stuart Pearce</a></li><li><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/england">England</a></li></ul></div><div class="author"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/scottmurray">Scott Murray</a></div><br/><div class="terms"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk">guardian.co.uk</a> © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our <a href="http://users.guardian.co.uk/help/article/0,,933909,00.html">Terms & Conditions</a> | <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/help/feeds">More Feeds</a></div><p style="clear:both" />
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