<div class="track"><img alt="" src="http://hits.guardian.co.uk/b/ss/guardiangu-feeds/1/H.22.4/17209?ns=guardian&pageName=The+Fiver+%7C+Two+grasping+decades%3B+and+La+Liga+%7C+Scott+Murray+and+Paul+Do%3AArticle%3A1674688&ch=Football&c3=GU.co.uk&c4=Football%2CSport&c5=&c6=Scott+Murray%2CPaul+Doyle&c7=11-Dec-09&c8=1674688&c9=Article&c10=&c11=Football&c13=The+Fiver+%28series%29&c25=&c30=content&h2=GU%2FFootball%2F" width="1" height="1" /></div><p class="standfirst"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/signup/2010/mar/30/1" title="">Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving</a></p><h2>UNITED'S A-COLD! PO' UNITED'S A-COLD!</h2><p></p><p>You have to feel sorry for Po' Manchester United. OK, you don't have to feel sorry for Po' Manchester United: Po' Manchester United were one of the chief architects of this here FA superleague back in the early 1990s, and its main beneficiary for the best part of two grasping decades, so they'll just have to sit and suffer the inevitable consequences with the rest of us who don't support Manchester City or Chelsea. But even so, you do have to feel sorry for them a teensy bit. Only a churl wouldn't feel sorry for Po' Manchester United a teensy bit.</p><p></p><p>For nothing is going their way at the moment. On Wednesday night in Basel/Basle/Baaaaaarl, they didn't play particularly well, but the fates conspired against them nonetheless, and thus everything that could go wrong did. David de Gea's one flap of the evening ended up at the feet of Marco Streller, who hoicked home. Markus Steinhofer hit the frame of his own goal with the most ludicrous attempted clearance of all time. And up front, the lumbering Wayne Rooney took a fresh air shot in front of a gaping net, the tragic striker having seemingly finally succumbed to the strange and unprecedented evolutionary process which will see him become the first human boy to grow up to be a Maris Piper potato. On another day, all three of those scenarios would have gone United's way. They just needed one, and they'd still be in Big Cup! Po' United!</p><p></p><p>But arguably the most disastrous blow of the evening was the injury to Nemanja Vidic, who has, it was announced this morning, suffered a severe jigger of the season. "It's not unexpected but it's still bad news, it's a blow," sobbed Sir Alex Ferguson. Po' United were never going to win Big Cup anyway – Jose Mourinho's going to win that, we all know Jose Mourinho's going to win that – but they're still in with a shout of this here FA superleague: a win at home to Wolves tomorrow and they'll be just two points behind City, who face a tricky trip to a resurgent Chelsea on Monday. However, even if they close the gap, half a season with Jonny Evans in the centre of their defence inspires confidence in nobody other than Roberto Mancini.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps Po' United will buy someone of equivalent talent to the stricken Vidic in the upcoming transfer window, but with the Glazers shoving as much of Old Trafford's fixtures and fittings into their pockets as they can, then sauntering over to their shopping malls to drop the booty out the bottom of the legs of their trousers, real sly, like, that may well be a pipe dream. So, yes, you <em>do</em> have to feel sorry for Po' Manchester United. Or at least sorry for their fans, who are faced with perhaps the most unpalatable news of all: with this week's events snapping their net spend into focus – in the last five years it's been less than Aston Villa, Sunderland and Stoke City – it seems those Liverpool fans much derided for harping on about the concept during the Hicks and Gillett era might have had a point after all. Oh, Po' United!</p><p></p><h2>QUOTE OF THE DAY</h2><p></p><p><strong>8 December 2011:</strong> "That story came from a Liverpool news agency and a Liverpool journalist" - Kelvin Mackenzie tries to pin the blame on journalists in Liverpool for the lies published in the Sun newspaper he edited relating to its coverage of the Hillsborough disaster.</p><p></p><p><strong>9 December 2011:</strong> "Having just checked with the Sun's news editor at the time, it is clear that the story didn't come from the Liverpool agencies but came from agencies in the Sheffield area. I apologise for getting it wrong but it was 21 years ago" - not for the first time, Mackenzie admits that he did not check his facts.</p><p></p><h2>WRONG DIRECTION</h2><p></p><p>This is what Spain has been waiting for. In the week in which the top two clubs in the Premier League have been ushered out of Big Cup like drunken loudmouth wimps from a bar before closing time, the La Liga fixture list gives Spain the perfect opportunity to put forward the most persuasive case yet for it being the home of the best league in the world. Or at least the best top-flight top.</p><p></p><p>La Liga followers fancy Real Madrid and Barcelona as the Beyonce/Jay-Z power-couple to the Premier League's Perrie/Zayn tandem and they hope that when the pair meet at the Bernabeu tomorrow they will leave the world so mesmerised with their performance that everyone will forget that, other than its headline-hogging clubs, La Liga has more lame outfits than Robbie Savage's wardrobe. Not like the Premier League, where even gallant teams such as Wigan and Bolton can beat anyone at any … oh.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, as we were saying, <em>El Clasico</em> is really all about the Premier League. That's probably what the Special One would have said if he had shown up at this morning's pre-match press conference, but he didn't, possibly just to confirm that he is the ideal successor to Lord Ferg at Old Trafford. He could stick another feather in his peacock-hide cap tomorrow if he completes his toppling of Barcelona: this time last year Pep Guardiola's team inflicted the Special One's worst ever defeat, rogering Real 5-0 on their way to a league and Big Cup double that had many punters proclaiming them as the greatest team in the history of sport. The Special One finagled his way inside Guardiola's brain and began doing keepie-uppies with it, shouldered Jorge Valdano aside to take total control of Real and turned football on its head. Rack up their 16th win in a row tomorrow, as they surely will given that Guardiola can't stop tampering with his own team, and Real will move six points clear of Barca with a game in hand.</p><p></p><p>"Judge me on my second season," demanded the Special One in his first press conference when he arrived at Real. His second season seems set to be superb. But will we get to judge him on, say, his seventh season at Real? That may well be the most pertinent question that remains about the Special One: can he forge a long-lasting relationship with a club or must it always be a thrilling short-lived fling? The Premier League probably hopes not, since it looks like it could do with him back.</p><p></p><h2>FIVER LETTERS</h2><p></p><p>"I don't know if it's because you've brainwashed me over the years, but when I looked at <a href="http://jobview.monster.co.uk/Web-Producer-100-m-f-work-place-Zurich-Job-Zurich-CH-France-104224822.aspx" title="">the Fifa web producer job ad</a> you linked to (yesterday's last line), I instantly read part of the last bullet point under 'Your duties' as 'post-lunch review phase'" - John Dutton.</p><p></p><p>"I notice the Fifa ad required applicants to have 'knowledge of and affinity to football' and to be a 'very structured, efficient, problem solving oriented person with strong organisational and project management skills'. Hmmm …" - Jamie Han$$$$.</p><p></p><p>"In response to Alan Gernon's suggestion that Manchester United are like Manuel from Fawlty Towers (yesterday's Fiver letters), I would posit that they are also like the erratic hotelier's maligned Austin, in that they were given 'a damn good thrashing' by Basel" - Tim Grey.</p><p></p><p>"While appreciating the humour in Alan Gernon's intimation, I think it should be pointed out that Manuel very famously came from Barcelona which, very clearly no present Man United player could possibly ever claim to have done" - David Fortune.</p><p></p><p>Send your letters to <a href="mailto:the.boss@guardian.co.uk" title="">the.boss@guardian.co.uk</a>. And if you've nothing better to do <a href="http://twitter.com/TheFiver" title="">you can also tweet the Fiver</a>.</p><p></p><h2>BITS AND BOBS</h2><p></p><p>Kenny Dalglish has showed the media a DVD to support his claim that Liverpool have been mistreated by the FA. The Fiver's attempt to swap his DVD for one of Weird Uncle Fiver's home movies sadly failed, so the gentlemen of the press were treated to edited footage from Monday night's game at Fulham.</p><p></p><p>Stoke have taken Enoch Balotelli, 19-year-old brother of Mario, on trial. Reports that sales of fireworks, darts and naff hats in the Stoke region have increased by 47% are unconfirmed.</p><p></p><p>Chelsea have found no evidence that one of their own fans racially abused Daniel Sturridge in Genk.</p><p></p><p>Jack Wilshere hopes to return in January and reckons Arsenal can win the league. "Why not?" he tweeted, before receiving 374 instant replies, 212 of which were "Have you seen Andre Santos play?"</p><p></p><p>And 'Arry Redknapp says his future employers have opened "a can of worms" by appealing against Wayne Rooney's red card.</p><p></p><h2>STILL WANT MORE?</h2><p></p><p>If you only read one thing today, make it Plato, you philistine. But if you read two, take a look at <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2011/dec/09/joy-of-six-brazil-national-team" title="">this magnificent Joy of Six</a> on the Brazil national team.</p><p></p><p>David Lacey says that, hard as it is to imagine, <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2011/dec/09/champions-league-manchester-united-city" title="">Big Cup might just struggle on without Manchester's finest</a>.</p><p></p><p>Paolo Bandini's mouth is watering, and not only because it's Friday in the PM. <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2011/dec/09/roma-juventus-serie-a-rivalry" title="">He's dead excited about Roma v Juventus on Monday</a>.</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/dec/09/ali-al-habsi-wigan-athletic" title="">Wigan's Ali al-Habsi talks about his twin inspirations</a>: Islam and – and you'll like this – John Burridge.</p><p></p><p>And <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2011/dec/09/universidad-de-chile-liga-quito-copa-sudamericana" title="">Jonathan Wilson reviews the first leg of the Copa Sudamericana final</a> between UDO and LDU.</p><p></p><h2>SIGN UP TO THE FIVER</h2><p></p><p>Want your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? <a href="http://bit.ly/9gwaJ4" title="">Click here to sign up</a>.</p><p></p><h2><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcaTuaUKfPI&feature=youtu.be" title="">ENJOY</a></h2><div class="author"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/scottmurray">Scott Murray</a></div><div class="author"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/pauldoyle">Paul Doyle</a></div><br/><div class="terms"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk">guardian.co.uk</a> © 2011 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our <a href="http://users.guardian.co.uk/help/article/0,,933909,00.html">Terms & Conditions</a> | <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/help/feeds">More Feeds</a></div><p style="clear:both" />
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