Footy jokes

[The Fat Bloke]

We all must have a few.

A friend of Prince Harry asked why he wanted out of the royal family.
Harry said “well my granny killed my mom, my uncle is a nonce, but worst of all my brother is a ****ing Villa fan”

 

[DEVIZESWOLVES]

Why couldn’t the car play football?

It only had one boot....

 

[JadeWolf]

Why was Cinderella rubbish at football?
She kept running away from the ball.

why was Cinderella rubbish at football?
her coach was a pumpkin!

 

[PelsallTC]

Stockley Park have switched off VAR due to the fact they can't find any Villa defenders to draw lines against

 

[Deleted member 4456]

Aston Villa.

 

[Incognito]

Have you heard the one about the Baggies fan with a brain? Nope neither have I...
Cheque please.

 

[Deleted member 4456]

Have you heard the one about the Baggies fan with a brain? Nope neither have I...
Cheque please.

Or the one about the suspicious package found in the Brummie Road End?

 

[Incognito]

Or the one about the suspicious package found in the Brummie Road End?

There's just about enough loose change there to buy Sandwell and still have enough left over to pay to **** Lee Hughes girlfriend!

 

[Snetter]

What would a Blackburn fan do with his car?

Ewood park it

 

[Leominster_Wolf]

My favourite ever was from the early 90s
Man U coach stops at chippy on way home from match and fergie goes in and asks for 40 bags of chips and a battered sausage for Brian McClair.
Man behind the counter says **** off he ain’t worth that much

 

[wulfie88]

 

[Metal Wolf89]

West Bromwich Albion.

Enough said.

 

[The Fat Bloke]

So my son asked
“dad, can a woman get pregnant from having anal sex?”

“of course son, where do you think Villa fans come from”



A lottery winner has come forward and said he wants to buy Villa.
He also said he wouldn’t have a clue how to have spent the winnings if a 5th number had come up too.

 

[wayne-the-wanderer]

Did you hear about the albion fan who got caught ****ging the bosses daughter

He was self employed

 

[QB Wolf]

My favourite.

Someone had stolen the entire contents of Blues’ trophy room.

The police are looking for a man seen leaving the scene with a roll of blue carpet under his arm.

 

[Shergar]

During the bad times in the 80’s I rang up Mel Bird in the ticket office and asked what time was the kick off of tonight’s match?
He said, “what time get you get here?”

 

[Hsvwolf]

When do Villa kick off.......

Every 15 minutes

 

[Contrarian]

Stewards caught 2 Aston Villa fans climbing over the stadium wall during their 6-1 defeat to City the other day. The offenders were dragged back in and made to stay till the match finished.

 

[I8thebaggies]

Hi, Newbie here, greetings to all you Wolves fans out there.
Most of you will remember how, when he was still playing, Becks was in the habit of changing his hair style regularly. At one stage he went full skinhead and apparently this was because Posh Victoria had been told that sex would be better if she shaved her ****.

 

[topcat99]

Victoria went food shopping. When she got home she dumped the bags and popped up to the loo.

when she came down David was in the kitchen.

“What are you doing David?”

Beckham replies “I’m doing this jigsaw you just got me, the one of the chicken “

A puzzled Victoria goes into the kitchen and shouts “David, put the cornflakes back into the box!”

 

[Berlin Wolf]

Stockley Park have switched off VAR due to the fact they can't find any Villa defenders to draw lines against

Ha Ha true.
But the biggest joke is.. everybody thinks VAR is in Stockley Park.
Come on guys, it's three Scousers in a hut in Stanley Park..
Phil Thompson, MacManimum and Carraager!

 

[JC14M5 Wolf]

I have just changed my Alexa 'wake up word' to Deano, and asked.

JC : Deano whats it like to be a football manager?

Deano : " Sorry I don't know that"

Sounds odd in a wenches voice though...

 

[Macman]

Name 3 teams with swear words in their name...
Arsenal,
S****horpe,
Birmingham ****ing City

 

[Macman]

I collect football badges. I only need 3 teams to complete my collection. Bristol City, Oldham Athletic, and Bristol Rovers. I know a girl who has these badges and I often tell her I'm desperate to get my hands on her two Bristol's and Oldham.

 

[Macman]

The Good, The Bad, and The Ian Dowie.

 

[Pagey]

West brom, villa and wolves fan stood at the top of a cliff, arguing who supported their teams the most.
Villa fan says "this is for the villa" and leaps to his death.

Wolves fan shouts "this is for wolves" and pushes the West brom fan off

 

[Wolfy McWolf-Face]

West brom, villa and wolves fan stood at the top of a cliff, arguing who supported their teams the most.
Villa fan says "this is for the villa" and leaps to his death.

Wolves fan shouts "this is for wolves" and pushes the West brom fan off

I love the fact that this forms part of a joke considering grown men on here actually do have this argument frequently!!!

Anyway, why can't Albion fans eat pickles? Because they can't get their heads in the jar!

What do you call an Albion fan with 2 braincells? Pregnant!

 

[The Fat Bloke]

Last year

Liverpool 4-0 Barcelona

the last time a second leg was thrown like that in Liverpool, was when Paul McCartney had a row with Heather Mills.


Do Liverpool fans discuss football in their tea breaks at work?
Seriously! Read the ****ing question again!

 

[Pagey]

Loads Google maps, type empty seats and press search

 

[Pagey]

Load Google maps, type Gob****es and press search

 

[Brizzlewolf]

Dean Smith is at his pre-match press conference......"yeah, they're really nice and minty....small enough to fit in your pocket and they're only 2 calories each"................"No Dean, we were asking about your Tac-tics!"......

 

[WickedWolfie]

Football jokes? Aston Villa and West Bromwich Albion (although what they play is only in the loosest possible sense football)

 

[I'm the Wanderer]

My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a Villa jersey for 2 weeks to see how people react. So far, he has been punched, spat on, kicked, called an idiot....

it'll be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.

 

[Wolf316]

There’s been a suspicious car found outside Anfield. It’s taxed mot’d and still has its stereo in it.

 

[Deleted member 9788]

 

[Beeches wolf]

A wolves fan on his death bed tells his family he wishes to switch his allegiance to the baggies!! They ask what the he'll for? Cos when I'm gone it'll be one less *******.

 

[Deleted member 9788]

 

[RJs Tankard]

Birmingham City

 

[Incognito]

Though not a joke, but funny as ****, that blue nose smacking Greasle around the head was hilarious on every level.

 

[Gold67]

Harry & Meghan have been in contact with Spurs. Need to draw on their experience living life without a title.