Football transfer rumours: Manchester City want Robin van Persie?

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<div class="track"><img alt="" src="http://hits.guardian.co.uk/b/ss/guardiangu-feeds/1/H.24.1.1/31336?ns=guardian&pageName=Football+transfer+rumours%3A+Manchester+City+want+Robin+van+Persie%3F%3AArticle%3A1747240&ch=Football&c3=GU.co.uk&c4=Manchester+City+%28Football%29%2CFootball%2CSport&c5=Premier+League&c6=Jacob+Steinberg&c7=12-May-18&c8=1747240&c9=Article&c10=Feature&c11=Football&c13=Rumour+Mill+%28series%29&c25=&c30=content&c42=Sport&h2=GU%2FSport%2FFootball%2FManchester+City" width="1" height="1" /></div><p class="standfirst">Today's fluff shook Roy Keane's hand</p><p><strong>Pep Guardiola</strong> might have won the La Liga, the Copa del Rey and the Champions League. But has he <strong>won the Carling Cup</strong>? Has he <strong>been</strong> to an FA Cup final? Has he been involved in <strong>the unrelenting scrap to finish above Everton and nab that prestigious seventh spot</strong>? No, no and no. Sure, at Barcelona he could sit back and watch Xavi pull the strings in midfield with his one-touch passes, vision and close control. But there's no challenge there. No, the real challenge would be to make Steven Gerrard cut out his <strong>Hollywood balls</strong> and <strong>develop a sense of positional discipline</strong>. The real challenge would be to make Luis Suárez likeable; to go to Westlife gigs with Andy Carroll; to false Stewart Downing's nine. All that, and more, would be Pep's at Liverpool.</p><p>Yes. Really. They actually think they can get him. <strong>Guardiola</strong> is top of <strong>Liverpool</strong>'s wish list to replace the dethroned King Kenneth. Top of the Mill's wish list is a laser gun, Mila Kunis and the power to deny Grandma's House a third series. Failing that, Liverpool will go for <strong>Wigan Athletic's Roberto Martínez</strong>. He's Spanish, so it's basically the same. Or <strong>Swansea City's Brendan Rodgers</strong>. He likes tiki-taka. Even better. Or <strong>Fabio Capello</strong>. <em>Even worse</em>.</p><p>With Villa Park offering up about as much entertainment as Kamp Krusty when it was run by <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkjvMs3t9GE" title="">Mr Black</a>, Randy Lerner has decided to go for one of those hip young foreign managers those blasted kids on Twitter keep banging on about. Former Manchester United striker and current <strong>Molde FK manager</strong> <strong>Ole Gunnar Solskjaer</strong> is in talks to take the <strong>Aston Villa job</strong>. He'll be given a transfer budget of 3p to make Villa fun again. Otherwise he'll just have to make do with the comic stylings of Alan Hutton and Emile Heskey.</p><p><strong>Manchester City</strong> want to sign <strong>Robin van Persie</strong>. But you knew that already. They also want to sign the Mill. You didn't know that. Or that they're going to fling £16m at <strong>Juventus</strong> in exchange for defender <strong>Giorgio Chiellini</strong>, Roberto Mancini having grown tired of Joleon Lescott's troublesome predilection for slapstick. <strong>Athletic Bilbao's Fernando Llorente</strong> is also tickling their fancy. In other old new news, City and <strong>Chelsea</strong> are also going to do battle for <strong>Napoli's Ezequiel Lavezzi</strong>. With all this <strong>Ctrl C</strong> <strong>and Ctrl V action</strong>, today's Mill could be brought to you by Joey Barton.</p><p>The Mill recently stumbled across a channel called Chelsea TV. Showing on it at the time was a programme called "The best of Kalou", in honour of Chelsea striker <strong>Salomon Kalou</strong>. It lasted 30 minutes. That's a full 30 minutes of hot Salomon Kalou action. How on earth did they manage to fill that up? Presumably it was just the same clip played on a loop. Anyway he's a free agent this summer and plans to hotfoot it back to his old club <strong>Feyenoord</strong>. He might change his mind once he sees that programme though. Or maybe he already has.</p><p>Having got rid of Louis Saha, <strong>Everton</strong> have a vacancy for the busted flush role and want to sign charisma vacuum <strong>Michael Owen</strong>, recently released by Manchester United. He never did get that important goal he was banging on about, unless you count his destruction of Aldershot in the Carling Cup. Another striker on his way out of Old Trafford is <strong>The Berb</strong>, who could be heading off to <strong>Roma</strong>. United will console themselves by signing <strong>Fulham's Clint Dempsey</strong>. Hmmm. While City make off with Eden Hazard. Love United, love Glazer.</p><p>Harry Redknapp has noticed that <strong>Benfica's Oscar Cardozo</strong> is a t'riffic little player. As is <strong>Sevilla's Bakary Koné</strong>, who is available on a free transfer and wanted by <strong>Tottenham Hotspur</strong>. Managerless <strong>Liverpool</strong> are after <strong>the CSKA Moscow striker Seydou Doumbia</strong>. <strong>Borussia Dortmund</strong> have decided to make things fairer in Germany and sign <strong>Nicklas Bendtner</strong>. <strong>Steven Fletcher</strong> will turn his back on an offer from <strong>Sunderland</strong> and stay at <strong>Wolves</strong>, while <strong>Leicester City</strong> have agreed a £1m fee with <strong>Fleetwood Town</strong> for <strong>Jamie Vardy</strong>. And the Mill now has to get ready for its date with Mila.</p><div class="related" style="float: left; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><ul><li><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/manchestercity">Manchester City</a></li></ul></div><div class="author"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/jacob-steinberg">Jacob Steinberg</a></div><br/><div class="terms"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk">guardian.co.uk</a> &copy; 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our <a href="http://users.guardian.co.uk/help/article/0,,933909,00.html">Terms & Conditions</a> | <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/help/feeds">More Feeds</a></div><p style="clear:both" />
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