Football transfer rumours: Leighton Baines to Napoli?

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<div class="track"><img alt="" src="http://hits.guardian.co.uk/b/ss/guardiangu-feeds/1/H.24.1.1/80812?ns=guardian&pageName=Football+transfer+rumours%3A+Leighton+Baines+to+Napoli%3F%3AArticle%3A1755578&ch=Football&c3=GU.co.uk&c4=Transfer+window+%28football%29%2CFootball%2CSport&c5=Premier+League&c6=Scott+Murray&c7=12-Jun-06&c8=1755578&c9=Article&c10=Feature&c11=Football&c13=Rumour+Mill+%28series%29&c25=&c30=content&c42=Sport&h2=GU%2FSport%2FFootball%2FTransfer+window" width="1" height="1" /></div><p class="standfirst">Today's nonsense is thrilled to be back</p><p>You're back at work, and desperately miserable, so in sympathy we're getting straight down to business with a no-frills Mill. <strong>Napoli</strong> are showing an interest in Everton left back Leighton Baines. They're looking for a replacement for Andrea Dossena who – Liverpool fans may need to read this back a few times – is a target for <strong>Milan</strong>. <strong>Manchester United</strong> are keeping tabs on the situation, with £20m in their hot little mitts, ready to scupper the deal. To clarify, before any United supporter has a thumping coronary, they're looking to scupper the Baines deal. The <em>Baines</em> deal.</p><p></p><p><strong>Tim Cahill </strong>could leave Everton for some unspecified outfit in Saudi Arabia. "I am a <strong>massive fan of the Middle East</strong>," he has announced, his optometrist advising him to say anything, no matter how ridiculously transparent, to get the deal done and stop those petrodollars flashing in his eyes.</p><p></p><p><strong>Gylfi Sigurdsson</strong> would sign permanently for <strong>Swansea City</strong> as planned, and all that, but oh dear, he can't find a pen, and now his old boss Brendan Rodgers has moved to <strong>Liverpool</strong>. "It's unclear at this moment where I will play," he insisted, before adding with a Cahillian flourish: "Liverpool are a big club with a glorious history." Unclear, you say.</p><p></p><p>It's not all bad news for <strong>Swansea</strong>, though. <strong>Dennis Bergkamp</strong>, on the first rung of the coaching ladder at Ajax, is in the frame for the job Rodgers vacated. This will presumably necessitate a change in the Welsh club's nickname from Swanselona to Swanjax, a very decent fit if one uses the pronunciation of the Dutch outfit's name in strict accordance with Official 1970s UK Ignorance Guidelines.</p><p></p><p><strong>Joe Cole</strong> will be staying at <strong>Liverpool</strong>. That's according to Lille boss Rudi Garcia, the Dave Whelan de nos jours. "The new staff has decided to keep him," says Garcia, pipping the Wigan owner to the announcement.</p><p></p><p>Rodgers and Hammerstein earworm alert: <strong>Newcastle United</strong> think there is etc and so on like Copenhagen striker <strong>Dame N'Doye</strong>. There, that'll be in there all day now.</p><p></p><p><strong>Cristiano Ronaldo</strong> has attempted to put an end to rumours of a move to either Manchester United or Manchester City, by categorically stating <strong>he wants to finish his career at Real Madrid</strong>. Sadly, he's left open a small loophole for idiot journalists to exploit. "If it was up to me, I would stay at Real Madrid for the rest of my career. But it doesn't all depend on me."</p><p></p><p><strong>Cristiano Ronaldo</strong> is a target for <strong>Manchester United</strong> and <strong>Manchester City</strong>.</p><p></p><p>In another never-ending, ear-splitting feedback loop, the papers are full of <strong>Juventus</strong> and <strong>Manchester City</strong>'s interest in <strong>Robin van Persie</strong>. Arsenal have admitted that this could drag on all summer, so JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY is the only sane response to that.</p><p></p><p><strong>Arsenal</strong> meanwhile want to wrap up a deal for France midfielder <strong>Yann M'Vila </strong>before Euro 2012, but the player wants to wait until after the tournament. Again, brace yourself for a repetitive metallic howl lasting the best part of two months.</p><p></p><p><strong>Chris Hughton</strong> is a shoo-in to become the next manager of <strong>Norwich City</strong>, says everyone who had Roberto Martinez down for the Liverpool job, and Roberto Martinez down for the Aston Villa job.</p><p></p><p>And <strong>West Ham United</strong>, again shunted to the very bottom of the page in flagrant flaunting of established London football media codes, are interested in Wolves winger <strong>Michael Kightly</strong>.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, have a great day back at work. God bless you, you do a lovely job.</p><div class="related" style="float: left; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><ul><li><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/transfer-window">Transfer window</a></li></ul></div><div class="author"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/scottmurray">Scott Murray</a></div><br/><div class="terms"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk">guardian.co.uk</a> &copy; 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our <a href="http://users.guardian.co.uk/help/article/0,,933909,00.html">Terms & Conditions</a> | <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/help/feeds">More Feeds</a></div><p style="clear:both" />
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