British insults.

[GoldenHorseshoe]

I was reading the Leicester thread by jonzy and was mildly amused by his description of Big Sam - "an arrogant tool"
It is one of my favourite things about this site, reading the insults, either old ones from back in the day when I lived there or new ones invented recently. The British have a way with insults like no other country.
I don't mean nasty personal ones, but clever Mickey taking, where the recipient themselves are also amused/insulted simultaneously.
One not in vogue when I lived in UK, is Bell End, goes down quite well in Canada but unfortunately loses a bit of spontaneity in the explanation.
Any more offers?

 

[VancouverWolf]

One of my favourites...true
Brendan Behan, Irish playwright, on his deathbed in the hospital says to the nun.....
“Thank you sister, may all your children be bishops.”

 

[maws]

Bell end is a classic put down

 

[JadeWolf]

Plonker

 

[Scott in the Sand]

I've had enough of your f*** muppetry.

There's a village missing an idiot.

A brick short of a load.

 

[Scott in the Sand]

From the Victorian era:

"Your mom, what?" .




(Not really ).

 

[GoldenHorseshoe]

I quite like 'Colin' once I knew the origin

Then some dude interviewer called Neil Warnock 'Colin' live on TV . It cracked me up. I'd think about it days later and start chuckling, my wife thought I was nuts. I explained it, she still thought that I was nuts.

 

[Deleted at request of member 4337]

Plonker

Plonker is my favourite dipstick second

 

[stever]

Div

 

[WasStefan]

Toss..er

Bell end

Numpty

 

[Deleted member 5910]

Pillock.

 

[Boss Hogg]

Half-wit is a personal favourite

 

[topcat99]

Throm = slow moving clot

Bradawl = small boring tool

And 2 favourites from Army annual reports:

This man has all of the traits of a family dog, except loyalty.

This man sets himself the lowest possible standards, and fails to achieve them.

 

[Thank you Sir Jack]

If brains were gunpowder, he wouldn't blow his hat off.
He has an IQ lower than his shoe size.

 

[Ewok vs Wolf]

k.nob rot

 

[Deleted at request of member 4337]

This man sets himself the lowest possible standards, and fails to achieve them.

good description of all **** fans

 

[Thank you Sir Jack]

One from Henry Vth
"Dishonour not your mothers and now attest that those who you call fathers did beget you"
also from the same play and from memory " methinks that upon one pair of English legs, three Frenchmen did walk"

 

[Norman Bell]

I always enjoy the Scots going at each with such terms as.

Bampot

Balloon

Bawbag

Tube

Nippy Sweetie This is a term applied to someone who is sour faced and always moaning, such as Nicola Sturgeon or ex Forest and Derby Boss Billy Davies !

 

[Thank you Sir Jack]

Face like a bulldog licking **** (rhymes with hiss) off a thistle.

 

[Yamalroite]

Oh **** off Billy

(billy the fish)

 

[Pagey]

Pleb

 

[Pagey]

I was reading the Leicester thread by jonzy and was mildly amused by his description of Big Sam - "an arrogant tool"
It is one of my favourite things about this site, reading the insults, either old ones from back in the day when I lived there or new ones invented recently. The British have a way with insults like no other country.
I don't mean nasty personal ones, but clever Mickey taking, where the recipient themselves are also amused/insulted simultaneously.
One not in vogue when I lived in UK, is Bell End, goes down quite well in Canada but unfortunately loses a bit of spontaneity in the explanation.
Any more offers?

Locals will know, but occupants of a street in Rowley Regis started a petition to get the street name changed a few years ago.
Street name was Bell End, and its occupants had become known as Bell Enders

 

[Pagey]

Bradawl = small boring tool

That sir is ****ing brilliant, sorry i gotta start using it.

 

[topcat99]

If brains were gunpowder, he wouldn't blow his hat off.
He has an IQ lower than his shoe size.

One I stole and use:

He’s so dense that light bends around him.

 

[SteveBullsKnee]

Telling someone "your mom really should have swallowed" is a favourite

 

[Thank you Sir Jack]

He entered the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking

 

[thetwistedsock]

Dick splash is an oldie. Best pronunciation of it I ever heard was when a clay head said it to his mate. Deck splesh.

 

[Leominster_Wolf]

One I use, and don't know where it came from
dick sweat... Meaning useless/idiot

A guy I used to work with called people a ****knocker - don't know where it came from either

 

[GoldenHorseshoe]

When I was an apprentice (many moons ago).
The foreman used to call you
"as dim as a Toc H lamp"
And that was if he liked you

 

[VancouverWolf]

He entered the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking

Or this variation....
He’s from the shallow end of the DNA pool.

 

[topcat99]

“His mother didn’t get a birth certificate, she got a letter of apology from the condom factory “

“Thick as a whale omelette”

 

[Ginger Chimp]

Throbber

"He's got a face you can't stop kicking"

"The kind of face that's only good for chopping wood on!"

C.ockwomble

 

[Ginger Chimp]

From the "Off to the Desert" thread ...

It's drier than a nun's nasty.

Quite descriptive, I think you'll find.

Bravo, Sir.

 

[Sheriff Woody]

Whatever happened to 'prat'? I might start a Facebook campaign to bring it back, a bit like those prats who started a fruitless campaign to bring back the Cadburys Spira.......... Why won't you listen Cadburys? You prats.

 

[Thank you Sir Jack]

The bard is a useful source. Can't remember where it is from, but said by a chap to a lady,
"I must tell you truly, sell when you can, you are not for all markets".
Could come in handy when you ask a lady in a club to dance and she says you nay.

 

[Edgmond Wolf]

****er....rhymes with Anchor

 

[Thank you Sir Jack]

God ruined a good a.rse when he put teeth in your mouth.

 

[Thank you Sir Jack]

The last time I saw a face like yours it had got a muzzle on it.

 

[JadeWolf]

He was absent the day God was giving the brains out.

 

[VancouverWolf]

Supposedly this is true...Bessie Braddock, M.P., Liverpool.
Drunk Churchill says to Bessie, “My god you’re ugly”.
She retorts, “Your drunk!”.
He replies, “Yes, but I’ll be sober tomorrow.”