This site is supported by the advertisements on it, please disable your AdBlocker so we can continue to provide you with the quality content you expect.

The Fiver | Shark cages; and Irish jamnation | Barry Glendenning and Paul Doyle

Discussion in 'News Archive' started by admin, Oct 7, 2011.

  1. admin

    admin Administrator

    Likes Received:
    Mar 11, 2006
    <div class="track"><img alt="" src="" width="1" height="1" /></div><p class="standfirst"><a href="" title="">Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving</a></p><h2>GREAT SKY SPORTS NEWS TICKER NEAR-MISSES OF OUR TIME: ENGLAND FOOTBALLERS EATEN BY GREAT WHITE SHARK, SKY SOURCES UNDERSTAND</h2><p></p><p>Considering the media storm generated by a clatter of England rugby players going out on the lash a whole week before a World Cup match, the Fiver shudders to imagine the mushroom cloud of sanctimony their footballing brethren would prompt if they did the same thing. We all know the moral compass of the British press can be skewed at times. But from where your sermonising Fiver is sitting on the moral high ground, with only our high horse for company, it seems that of all the egg-chasers' activities in New Zealand, it was bungee-jumping and beer-drinking that generated the most tut-tutting while the alleged harassment of a hotel chambermaid and blatant cheating against Romania was considered comparatively acceptable.</p><p></p><p>Although the word "interesting" is not one the Fiver would normally associate with Fabio Capello and England's Brave John Terry facing a hail of interrogatory projectiles fired by a room of unimaginative hacks, the pair's press conference ahead of Montenegro v England provided some interesting food for thought when the subject of the nation's ruggerers came up. Asked if he would approve of his players going bungee-jumping, dwarf-bothering or ale-quaffing during a major tournament, Capello confused several of the tabloid johnnies present by introducing some long overdue perspective.</p><p></p><p>"Every choice is good when you win … the perfect choice, the best choice, if you drink or go with women," he said. "When you lose, it's a disaster. The results are the most important thing." For all the sense spoken by Capello on this occasion, we're unlikely to find out if his theory is correct as long as the team in question is England. Considering the monastic existence of the Capello, Eriksson and Keegan eras - in which England players were forced to spend tournaments hiding behind PR flunkies, tinted bus windows and unnecessary hotel security cordons - yielded little in the way of success, it would be interesting to see how players would fare if they were allowed to behave like normal folk.</p><p></p><p>"Me and Joe Cole wanted to go in the shark cages in South Africa and were stopped by Franco Baldini; he said it probably wasn't the best idea," revealed EBJT upon being asked for his thoughts on the recreational pursuits of England's rugby players. The Fiver hopes Capello's spoilsport No2 at least suggested that if the pair wanted to get up close and personal with the kind of creature described in Jaws as "a perfect engine, an eating machine", they could at least sit near Frank Lampard in the team canteen.</p><p></p><p><em>• </em><a href="" title=""><em>Join Scott Murray from 7pm for live MBM coverage of Montenegro 1-1 England</em></a><em>.</em></p><p></p><h2>QUOTE OF THE DAY</h2><p></p><p>"I have no problem about giving them a goal. To be honest they were miles better than us" - Accrington Stanley boss John Coleman reveals he'll speak with Tranmere about giving them a head-start in their rearranged Johnstone's Paint Trophy tie after the original game was abandoned due to Tom Bender's serious injury, with Rovers leading 2-1.</p><p></p><h2>DE-DE-DE-DUH, DE-DE-DE-DE-DUH, IT'S THE FINAL … LETDOWN?</h2><p></p><p>Evoking - but not of course emulating - the cynical tokenism of a company that advertises a job vacancy and then stages a series of aptitude tests and interviews before appointing the boss's mistress, Uefa will tonight run another round of pointless international fixtures despite the fact that the four potential winners - Spain, Germany, Holland and Italy – have all already qualified for Euro 2012. So a slew of other nations will resume fighting for the right to pump themselves up with false hope, including Portugal, who must beat Iceland and then avoid defeat in Denmark on Tuesday before the country's ambitions are punctured by its inability to produce a single competent striker in an epoch. Forgot about Generation X – in Portugal this is Generation Row Z.</p><p></p><p>Giovanni Trapattoni wants to reach the tournament too, primarily to see if he can bore his way further than Jack Charlton managed in 1990, when his Republic O'Ireland side reached the World Cup quarter-finals without winning a match or even completing a pass. Tonight the Irish must overcome Andorra, which the Fiver initially thought was some sort of goat but, upon further investigation, discovered is a football team made up of skiiers and fiscal advisers who've lost their last 32 matches and won a grand total of one in their entire history. A goat would provide stiffer opposition.</p><p></p><p>So will Trapattoni throw off his infamous caution and give his players a chance to show that they are not quite as limited as he thinks they are? Of course not, for the manager named the same no-frills team as ever and will doubtless order them first and foremost to keep a clean sheet before, perhaps, scrambling a winner from a set-piece. It won't be pretty but there will still be some 2,000 Irish fans to watch it in the stadium – albeit a stadium almost 100 miles away, as those fans didn't find out until the last minute that the game would not be played in Barcelona, which is where Andorra usually stage their big 'home' matches, but rather in Andorra, of all places.</p><p></p><p>Equally significant events for the Irish will be taking place even further away, however, as two of the other three teams who still have a chance of topping Group B – Slovakia and Russia – will go head to head in a match that, should the Slovaks win, would leave Ireland only needing a scruffy 1-0 home win over Armenia on Tuesday to reach the finals. So as the campaign draws to a close there are two possibilities for O'Ireland: drab failure or, perhaps the most likely given Trapattoni's streak of luck in the group so far, jamnation once again.</p><p></p><p><em>• </em><a href="" title=""><em>Join Paul Doyle from 7pm for live MBM coverage of the night's other Euro 2012 qualifiers</em></a><em>.</em></p><p></p><h2>DOUBLE YOUR MONEY WITH BLUE SQUARE!</h2><p></p><p><a href="" title="">Open an account with online bookies Blue Square, placing a bet of at least £5 and they'll give you a free £10 bet, win or lose! (Terms Apply) Register now</a>.</p><p></p><h2>FIVER LETTERS</h2><p></p><p>"Re: having the same name as a referee (yesterday's quote of the day). A mate of mine called David Syme had a listed home number in the Glasgow directory a few years ago. He lived in Rutherglen, which was coincidentally the domicile of an identically nomenclatured SFA whistler. Ref Syme chibbed Airdrie out of a League Cup final appearance with some dodgy decisions, before Totally Innocent Syme and his family were forced to change their phone number and call the police after Diamonds fans vented their collective fury" - Donald Lindsay.</p><p></p><p>"Jamie Moralee (Fivers passim) was actually a pretty useful cricketer too and I still have a newspaper clipping of when I played alongside both him and future England captain (once) Mark Butcher in the Croydon Schools Under-12 side in 1984.&nbsp;Some years later I bumped into him in a Kingston nightclub and he seemed a little surprised that I remembered him from a&nbsp;cricket perspective rather than a football one - judging from others' recollections of his footballing skills, maybe he should have stuck to cricket" - Russell Miller.</p><p></p><p>Send your letters to <a href="" title=""></a>. And if you've nothing better to do <a href="" title="">you can also tweet the Fiver</a>.</p><p></p><h2>BITS AND BOBS</h2><p></p><p>Blackeye Rovers co-owner Balaji Rao has paid tribute to under-pressure boss Steve Kean. "We do know that a few people have been generating thousands of mails demanding the ousting of Steve Kean, who is a brilliant manager," he parped. "But we know the team is going in the right direction."</p><p></p><p>Darren Fletcher is set to make a shock appearance for Scotland in their Euro 2012 qualifier against Liechtenstein after making a swift recovery from tonsil-knack.</p><p></p><p>Uefa's fun police have fined Barcelona £100,000 after they appeared for the second half of the Super Cup two minutes late and their fans' let off 10 flares, despite not being distressed.</p><p></p><p>Arsenal chief suit Ivan Gazidis has done absolutely nothing to ease fans' fears that the club is going backwards by reassuring them that they can financially cope without Big Cup football.</p><p></p><p>And Roger Johnson has given out to the Wolves fans who sarcastically cheered Karl Henry's substitution against Newcastle last week. "I thought it was a disgrace, disgusting. It stinks," he fumed. "If the fans want to have a b1tch at me about it then fine, but I thought they were bang out of order."</p><p></p><h2>STILL WANT MORE?</h2><p></p><p>When Scott Murray got all indulgent and began to write his <a href="" title="">Joy of Six: Animals in Sport</a> blog he probably thought there would be more to go on than seagulls and dogs. There wasn't.</p><p></p><p>The late Germany goalkeeper Robert Enke's life story teaches us to pause before we lay into footballers, <a href="" title="">writes Amy Lawrence</a>.</p><p></p><p>And it's an international week so AC Jimbo really had to put in a shift to find much worth retelling in his Euro newspaper review, which is why <a href="" title="">you should do the decent thing and watch it</a>.</p><p></p><h2>SIGN UP TO THE FIVER</h2><p></p><p>Want your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up.</p><p></p><h2>OH ANDY REID!</h2><div class="author"><a href="">Barry Glendenning</a></div><div class="author"><a href="">Paul Doyle</a></div><br/><div class="terms"><a href=""></a> &copy; 2011 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our <a href=",,933909,00.html">Terms & Conditions</a> | <a href="">More Feeds</a></div><p style="clear:both" />
    <p><a href=""><img src="" border="0" ismap="true"></img></a><br/>
    <a href=""><img src="" border="0" ismap="true"></img></a></p><img src="" height="1" width="1"/>


Share This Page